bed bugs

reddish, flat-bodied pests have encroached our property. bed bugs! i cringe at the sight of them swiftly running for cover.

these parasites, which are very common in this country, have invaded our privacy these past few nights... putting us in their mercy, giving us sleepless nights, leaving us turning and tossing on our beds perpetually scratching our bodies like pets suffering from lice... which made me ask my roomie: which is better, a bed bug or a mosquito?

both bite. the former is like an unwanted guest, an enemy you don't want to see again but suddenly presents itself one day at your house, decides to stay for as long as it likes, creates a ruckus, leaves everyone in panic until the mortal inhabitants decide to call pest control. the latter is more like a stranger you meet on the street, just dropping by to say "hi" and "hello," then flies off to another land.

so, which of the two is the lesser evil?

good night, then. don't let the bed bugs bite. ;-)

loneliness

i feel like crying right now. i wanted to shed a tear or two while walking my way home but couldn't get myself to doing it lest people would think i've been laid off or something terrible has happened to me. i'm drowning out my loneliness with nostalgic music (the more it will send me into sentimental mode)...i'm pretending to be ok, yep, having my laptop as companion and the Internet as a means of diversion to escape from it all.

what is this? loneliness has never hit me this hard.

i wanted to watch a movie tonight but nobody seems available at the moment. all is busy with their own worries: office tasks that need to be finished, social life (and love life?) that needs attending to, etc.

i'm alone. this is the reality. i'm tired of depending on myself. i want someone to go with me wherever i want to. i crave long conversations, stimulating ones, never thinking about the time of day.

i need someone to sit beside me in the cinema, walk beside me while shopping (or just plain window shopping), sit across me during mealtimes, give me a hug when i feel that the world is falling all around me, offer cheerful words when i feel like giving up...

wishful thinking...

how long will this last? will any of these come true?

God, i'm so lonely...

some ties that just don't bind

only this year did i realize that there's always that person who doesn't value friendship as much as you or i do.

it hurts to know that i've been so into it while others aren't. i'm so considerate and thoughtful that i make it a point to be loyal to the people i consider friends and defend their person if they are attacked by insults or if somebody badmouths them. and it hurts more to learn that they are not in any way like me.

one really good friend told me that i don't give up...i don't give up on my friends no matter how many times they've stood me up or failed me.

it is in times like these that i'm given the chance to get to know myself deeper all over again. and i must say i'm better than the others because i respect individual differences, i accept disappointments/frustrations/misunderstandings initially with anger but genuine forgiveness the next.

i don't hold grudges. admittedly, revenge of any kind has impregnated my thoughts one time or another but nothing comes into fruition. i just couldn't bring myself to get back at someone just because she or he has wronged me. every time, forgiveness wins over retaliation and eventually, peace reigns.

it's just that i don't understand why forgiveness is too hard a task for some to the point of them giving up friendship just so...

one lesson from this "episode" though: some people come into your life to serve a certain purpose and one day just break the bond without you expecting it simply because they are not meant to stay intertwined with your life...they are just there for a certain time, a certain period, perhaps to impart a lesson or two and for you to reevaluate yourself time and again.

my '25' list

for lack of better topics to write about, i decided to do some introspection and answered "25 random things about me" that has been making the rounds on every networking site i know.

here they are:

1. I'll let you in on a little secret: though i sooo love to travel, I have a fear of flying. Blame it on my penchant for following news on air disasters. However, excitement overshadows the fear every time.

2. Intellectually stimulating men turn me on.

3. Let's just say that I'm hooked on photography at the moment but don't have enough moolah to purchase the SLR cam I'm dying to get my hands on.

4. I miss hitting cocks...on the badminton court (what were you thinking anyway? ;-p)

5. I'm awed at autumn. Who wouldn't want to soak up the riot of colours and the whimsical feeling that this glorious season brings?

6. I'm consistently inconsistent...take it or leave it. ;-)

7. Many hate mint but I love it in all its forms - mint chocolate, mint ice cream, mint green tea, etc.

8. Five things you usually see on my office desk: water canteen, alcohol (sanitizer), tissue, hand lotion & lip gloss.

9. My three constant "travel companions:" a rosary to give me an added sense of security, a book of crossword puzzles to occupy my time at waiting lounges & a chocolate/granola bar to keep hunger pangs at bay.

10. I prefer fries dipped in sundae or ketchup with mayo.

11. I collect designed scotch tapes and coloured pens but it's the black pen that has been a permanent fixture in my bag.

12. I keep a collection of forensic novels by an American author but never get around to reading them all because they give me nightmares.

13. If I were to choose among meat, fruits and vegetables, I'd instantly pick the last two (and the more colourful, the better). No wonder, a former roomie branded me a vegetarian!

14. Tear-jerking movies don't bring on the "waterworks" for me. Books do the trick on several occasions.

15. I want to watch a play, which I haven't done for a looong time.

16. They say roller coasters are for the adventurous, not for the faint of heart. Guess I'm more of the latter BUT that only applies to thrill rides.

17. I'm averse to worms (but I adore butterflies) and snakes.

18. I have this secret dream of escaping to some foreign land and maybe staying there incognito for some time.

19. I cook with either olive or canola oil (for health reasons). Along this line, I think cooking is 10% recipe and 90% instinct (this from someone who is yet to perfect her cooking skills).

20. Cinema dates and window shopping are my anti-loneliness and anti-depressant pills.

21. I envy people with straight pearly whites.

22. "Beautiful In My Eyes" is my all-time favorite song.

23. I blog but seldom. I still opt to write down my thoughts on its more-personal counterpart, the diary.

24. I don't kiss ass!

25. I sometimes feel that social networking sites are a waste of time but what the heck!

;-p

muddled

i'm preoccupied. my mental to-do list is so long i don't know which one to act on first. despite writing some of the things down, my mind just keeps on adding other things on top of everything.

and, in between bouts of clear-headedness and "sanity" is my desire to write about something, something which i've been longing to share with everyone but...

... all i've got now are muddled thoughts and ideas.

which one goes first? how to start it? how to end it?

help! this addled little brain of mind needs a little straightening. its creases require ironing in order for it to focus and not wander so far.

good thing, a vacation is in the offing. it may help put my life (and my thoughts) back into perspective. ;-)

today's 'eye-openers'

from somewhat trivial events that happened in the office today, i drew these "conclusions:"

* if being accepted by a group means having to conform to the group's wishes (e.g. dressing up in the same colour clothes, following what they want even if it's heavy on your conscience, etc.), then count me out because it's total BULLSHIT! i have a brain of my own so i'm not gonna rely on yours!

* i'd rather be in the company of friends who allow me to shine despite my eccentricities than be with people who are narrow-minded and do not respect individuality.

was hibernating but now looking forward to a new season

it's been a while since i last put down my thoughts into words. i don't know what happened. it was either there was too much to think about that i didn't know what to focus on first or there was none at all. it's been a blur lately...

anyway, i'm traveling. to a distant land. to a country bordering europe and asia. i'm excited at the myriad of possibilities, at where to go first, what to do there, what to wear. from the Net i've learned that it would be chilly & rainy there. these past few days (or rather nights), hours have been spent alternating between sleep and picturing out winter ensembles in my head. ahhhh...can hardly wait.

below is a travel article (the only travel piece so far) i wrote years ago before my "leap of faith" brought me to this land. preferring to be anonymous, i wrote it using a pen name. my apologies if what were once pictures are now represented by squares. here's the link: http://216.55.163.209/e-magazine/travel/travel_corregidor.html

History lessons in the Tadpole Island Text and photos by Zhia de Gracia

ARTILLERY found on the island. It was the middle of summer, yet the sweltering heat never dampened our spirits, or kept us from exploring Corregidor island. So, just as the sun rose one fine Saturday, my friends and I left Bacoor, Cavite and trooped to the CCP Complex on Roxas blvd. to catch the ferry that would take us to a guided tour of the place (that's more than a thousand bucks).

Corregidor comes from the Spanish word corregir, which means "to correct", as it served as checkpoint for ships going to Manila Bay during the Spanish and American occupations. It is situated between Bataan and Cavite provinces. Stretching three miles and facing the China Sea, it can be reached for an hour. Named "The Rock," the isle stands as a monument for the heroism and courage of Filipino and American soldiers who fought the Japanese forces. Apart from trees dotting its landscape, the tadpole-shaped rocky island, located 48 kilometers west of Manila, looked deserted from afar. Its stillness belies the fact that it was once a scene of fierce battle.

NATURE'S BEAUTY. City dwellers may hie off to Corregidor for a dose of the island's history or to take in its natural beauty. Touring the spot is like uncovering a hidden treasure in every corner. Scattered around are several cannons, wrecked barracks and damaged structures, which provide locals and tourists alike a peek of what occurred during World War II. Upon arrival, our group, a mix of students, yuppies and Japanese tourists, was whisked away in separate brightly painted buses, that were stark contrasts to the rustic environment. Perhaps to dispel any gloom the island's history brings.

First stop was the General Douglas McArthur Park where a statue of the legendary general stands. According to our guide, this was the spot where McArthur took a boat for Mindanao and later on to the land Down Under where he uttered his famous line, "I shall return." Here, we got off the bus for souvenir shots, among a series of camera-clicking sessions in the island. Corregidor is home to a number of artillery in different sizes, which you can touch and scrutinize. At the Japanese Memorial Garden, the Japanese tourists who were with us paid homage to their dead soldier-relatives/countrymen lying among the 4,215 Japanese troops killed in the fighting. The park has a Buddha and a Shinto shrine.

Next stop was the 6,000-square meter Filipino Heroes Memorial. It shows murals of battles fought by Filipinos from the 15th century until the present. The highlight of the tour was the Malinta Tunnel, which was first utilized as an explosives store and was later converted into a hospital. We entered it on foot and found ourselves in a moving lights and sound experience written and directed by National Artist Lamberto Avellana. War scenes are depicted at different points of the tunnel. We stopped at each station and listened to the stirring dramatizations of the war's major events. I admit I was jolted by the sound effects reproducing blasts and gunfire, and was misty-eyed when the Lupang Hinirang was played at the end of the show. We exited at the north entrance where the President Manuel L. Quezon Park can be found. This is where he was inaugurated as the President of the Commonwealth for a second term. They say spirits of Filipino, Japanese and American soldiers killed during the war roam the tunnel and the entire island. The tour proceeded to the ruins of army barracks, some partly curtained by trees yet still imposing. And, if you look hard enough, you can see a couple of monkeys darting from one tree to another. HUGE BARRACKS that once housed Filipino and American soldiers.

We also drove to the Pacific War Memorial constructed by the US Government in memory of American and Filipino soldiers, and the museum, which keeps relics and mementos of the war. Last stop was the lighthouse, rising 628 feet above sea level, before our lunch at the hotel. One of Corregidor's oldest landmarks, it offers visitors a magnificent vista of Manila Bay. Nearby is the souvenir shop where you can purchase a pasalubong or two for pals and family. My friends and I headed back to Manila with heads held high, mighty proud of being Filipinos. Of course, we vowed to return and stay a little longer - to swim in the sparkling waters, discover other scenic spots we missed during our maiden visit, and perhaps wander around in the dead of night to prove if indeed spirits of dead soldiers inhabit this historical treasure.