Thursday, August 21, 2008

betrayal

at the end of the day, it really hurts to realize that there's no one whom you can trust.

okay, this is just an understatement because the truth is it's like having your heart squeezed so hard a thousand times that you are left gasping for air. that's how it feels.

it's a war out there. from now on, i think i have to distance myself a little from the people i deal with everyday to cushion myself from the vile insults and the air of hatred that permeate my surroundings.

i need to exercise caution when it comes to pouring out my innermost feelings & thoughts...

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

just be yourself - warts and all

today, i came across a saying which brought validation to my earlier "lamentations." the line goes like this or something similar to this: never explain yourself to anybody because the person who likes you doesn't need it and the person who dislikes you won't believe it.

how true. how very true!

sometimes, when we feel that we're so difficult to deal with or we're making other people's lives difficult, we exhaust all our resources just to prove to one person (or several) our good side --- of what we really are when we're not burnt out, when we're relaxed, when problems don't beset us, blah, blah, blah.

we scratch our heads and exert every effort to muster enough courage to justify even the minutest detail of our everyday life: rude actions, hurtful words, evil thoughts. of course, we are no saints and bad behaviour and negative reactions always overshadow the good ones.

there are instances when we get irritated or angry at the slightest provocation. we blow our top when we can't take it anymore. we're only human and "freaking out" is the best way to get rid of "toxic chemicals" and suppressed anger.

as the process (freaking out) subsides, we then realize that we're being unreasonable, so we start the vicious cycle of pleasing the ones we've hurt, explaining everything just to win them back...

i think, it's sometimes better to just gradually wean ourselves off that vicious cycle because those who love us will understand anyway and readily accept us after each "fall" --- warts and all.

yes, i don't have to explain myself to anyone. a hug or a kind word from a dear friend or a loved one mends what's torn, patches up what's broken. i'm normal...and just being myself.
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